Dear Bitter Betty

Dear Blog Buddies, my life is full of stupid situations…almost all of them worth telling you about, I had one of these “You have got to be freaking kidding me” moments last night…allow me to tell ya’ll all about it.   My girls and I headed uptown last night for drinks after work.  Yay drinks!  I see my current object of affection and I was immediately stoked, partially because my friends were with me and they would get to see the cute boys I hang out with!!!  I am interested in this dude, he is definitely cute and pretty cool…most of the time.  To make you guys understand this ridiculous situation, I am going to fill you in on my recent past with this kid.  We make out in public usually after consuming adult beverages.  When I say that we have been that couple in the bar swapping spit for thirty minutes…I am not lying.  It’s quite trashy of me!!  It is no secret that I dig him, in fact, I am pretty sure I spilled my guts to him one crazy night a few weeks back. Regardless, we are friends and I am genuinely interested in his well being.  He tells me last week that he has a date with this hot chick and he even shows me a picture of her on his phone and she really is kinda hot.  Crap!!!  He tells me that I wouldn’t like her (of course I wouldn’t like her douche, she snagged the guy I wanna go out with).  So last night I asked him how his date went with skank bag (I call her skank bag to make myself feel better), he proceeds to tell me that his date was awesome.  They’ve went out several times since then and he has even taken her shopping and cooked her a fancy dinner.  He must have noticed the disapointment spreading across my face and says “Hey, You asked and I told you”.  He is totally right, I did ask.  I asked him in hopes that she would’ve sucked at life.   A small part of me knew there was a chance that he actually liked her…but I was really hoping she was cross-eyed or had bad breath or just maybe she would be completely awful and he wouldn’t see her again.  Apparently she is none of those and I look like an idiot.  So this begs the questions…is ignorance really bliss?  Is it better to be completely in the know or to be ever so shielded from the harsh truth (in this case truth being that dude doesn’t like me and would prefer to date skank bag).  I am torn, a very small part of me would like to know that I am only a bar make out buddy so I can at least move on to kissing other dudes.  The other part of me is kicking myself in the ass for asking the question…had I not asked, I could have used ignorance as an excuse to keep vying for his affection.   I am a creature of habit and I love a challenge, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am a little disheartened to know that the blonde skank bag wins the prize.  So blog buddies…would you have asked him how it went?  If I had to do it over…I would still ask him…except this time I would keep my face in check. 

I have long thought that chivalry is dying…with every new generation of man.  I was raised to believe that the only men worth dating were southern gentlemen.  I was raised to EXPECT men to be polite, respectful and charming…and here I sit so very disappointed in the opposite sex (surprise, surprise).  Guys, before you get your boxer briefs in a wad, let me explain myself.  I am not saying that all men are rude, ill-mannered and disgusting, but I am saying that the once noble and well-mannered man is not as prevalent in today’s social scene.   Once upon a time it was customary for men to hold every door for a woman (including the car).  It wasn’t uncommon to see a man shivering so that his date could be wrapped comfortably in his coat.  It is my hope that chivalry won’t become completely extinct, because I don’t care what any woman says…the smallest acts by a man can make a woman’s heart flutter.  For example, just the other night I was interrogating my best friend about her new boy toy when she tells me that he picks her up to carry her over large rain puddles.  Seriously?  This dude, literally carries her over puddles so she doesn’t get the bottom of her jeans wet.  While I don’t need homeboy carrying me everywhere, I have to admit that I am impressed.   My friend’s story leads me to believe that the southern gentleman is not a dying breed..however I am not getting my hopes up too high. 

So as much as I enjoy it,  I can’t always bash men, so I guess I can take a few moments to put my girls in their place.  Ladies, men will only treat you as good as you allow them.  If watching your boy and his buddies drink beer and belch is your kind of fun…more power to you, however don’t bitch and complain later when he treats you like one of the guys.  On the same note…girls, do not ever expect to be treated like a freaking princess.  If you demand constant attention, gifts and a red carpet, you deserve to be left on your ass.  Relationships are a two way street…women keep your expectations in check, but don’t lower them because you feel like you need to snag a guy.  Guys, you don’t have to go above and beyond all the time…but a little chivalry and charm go a long way.  Never underestimate the power of humility and sincerity…it really could be your secret weapon.  

So I did it.  i finally jumped on the Twilight train.  I took the leap to find out what all the fuss was about and now…I am love with a vampire.  Crap.  I normally hate fiction especially romantic or sci-fi books, but Twilight has seriously turned my world upside down. For the last 4 days I have made the conscious decision to abandon my normally ambitious social life and I have opted for pajamas, cheap wine and Edward Cullen for entertainment.  To be honest, I couldn’t be happier with that decision.  In these last few days I have finished ‘Twilight’ and New Moon and I am seriously considering cashing in my vacation time at work to finish the series. 

These books have renewed the hope of millions of women for unconditional true love.  As bitter as I am, I have found myself rooting for Bella and Edward and I swear I was almost in tears when he left her in New Moon.  For those of you who have read these books, you know exactly what I am talking about…we get so caught up in the possibility of true unequivocal vampire love that it is almost impossible to stop reading.  I find myself thinking about Bella and Edward while I am driving and I am anxious to get home every evening to continue reading about their fairytale romance.  Geez, this is annoying.  For the longest time, I poked fun at all of the ‘twilighters’ out there, who would read incessantly and talk nonstop about vampires and werewolves.  I laughed so hard and couldn’t understand why these books had such an impact on girls and women.  For that I am sorry.  I totally get it…I hate myself for it…but I get it.  Does this change the way I feel about love?  Not really.  Does it make me want this kind of love?  Sure.  Do I believe that this kind of love exists?  Not so much.  Maybe this is because I am angry and cynical and while it is nice to dream about the kind of relationship that Bella and Edward have, I am not getting my hopes up.  Their relationship is pretty perfect..minus the vampire/mortal dilemma.  Edward is perfect in every way, brutally honest about his feelings, sensitive, protective, polite and disgustingly charming.  Where can I find my Edward?  I’m curious, if a guy like him exists…can I give him my digits?!   Ultimately, I have to remind myself that this is all fiction and that while Edward Cullen may very well be the most perfect vampire man ever…he is made-up and he will never climb through my bedroom window…and this makes me way sad!!! 

Rachel (24) asks:

So I dated this guy for 2 years. We recently broke up about 2 months ago. It was more his doing in that he said he needed to get himself together, needed to figure out what he wanted in life, didn’t know how we could make each other happy, etc. Well it was rough at first and it took me sometime to be able to get through the day without being sad or missing him. I have since then went on a few (but unsuccessful dates) and have tried to enjoy myself more. Now all of a sudden my ex wants me back and he is trying hardcore to make it happen. He found out about the other guys (I did not tell him, he broke into my email) so now he’s telling me how hard it is and rough it is to hear about me with other men. He tells me he realizes what he has lost and he regrets letting me go. If he had said this a few months ago I would have jumped back in the relationship in a heartbeat but now, I don’t know what to do. I’m torn honestly. I still care about him but I’m not sure the damage can be healed. As unsuccessful as my dates may have been it’s still kind of fun getting to know someone new and getting that attention that you didn’t feel you had in your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, my ex isn’t a bad guy and I loved him very much but now I’m just so confused. Do I give us another chance? Do I see if things can really work out for us this second time around? Or do I just move on and forget him? Could really use the advice! PS. Loveeeee the column.

Bitter Betty says:

First of all, Thanks for reading the column, I am glad you like it…I’m pretty awesome…stoked you feel the same way!!!  Let’s get to business…I think I might have your problem solved…so here it goes…

A#1: I have to say that I am proud of you.  Good for you for jumping back into the game, even though your dates haven’t amounted to much, you are getting back into the swing of things.  This says a lot about you, and there is no better way to take your mind away from heartache like a free dinner and some harmless flirting.  You said it yourself, you are having fun getting to know other dudes and I think you should keep it up..dates are fun and you learn a lot about yourself.  Yay for that.

B#2:  Any guy that breaks into your private email account is an ass.  At no point in a relationship should your partner take it upon themselves to violate your privacy.  This makes your ex look desperate, crazy and stupid.  I can say so much about people like this…it angers me to know, that people feel they have the right to snoop.  Your business is YOUR business…and he nor any other man has the right to stick his nose in it.  Looks to me like homeboy got jealous after finding out what you have been doing with your time and to be honest, I don’t think he wants you back because he loves you, I think he wants you back because now he can’t have you.  Men and women are infamous for wanting someone slightly out of their reach and once we get it, we don’t want it anymore.  There very well might a chance that dude really might love you…but there is a larger chance that he is a douche. 

C#3: It sounds like you are kinda over it.  You will probably always have feelings for your ex and those feelings might never ever go away.  However, if you were 110% confident that getting back together with Douchie McDoucherton was the right choice, you wouldn’t be emailing me.  In fact, you wouldn’t need me at all, when it comes to swear-by-chocolate-true-love, you wouldn’t listen to what anyone had to say about it. If it’s meant to be, the fate fairies would make sure that you are together…except I don’t believe in fate fairies…so I guess you are just up creek and you are really gonna have to sit down and decide if a relationship with Mr. Email Hacker is someone you trust to spend the rest of your life with.

p.s. Change your password and your secret question to prevent  Mr. Loserface from ever taking a peek into your bizzness again.

Hope that helps!!!

Sincerely, Bitter Betty

Before you guys begin to read this post, I would like you to scroll down and read “Only You Can Prevent Slootyness” and then I want you to click on comments and read the angry novel that some dude wrote me about why he didn’t enjoy my women’s empowerment blog.  Then please return and read this post. 

OK , so I just want to clarify a few things to the Dear Bitter Betty readers and I want you guys to listen good.  This is not a blog promoting empowerment for women.  This blog is not meant to bash men (although most dudes suck, and I have no problem telling you why).  This blog is not meant to give anyone any kind of professional advice.  Dear Bitter Betty is a no nonsense tell it like it is kind of thing. I write these blogs not to change the world or to make it a better place, I write so people will stop acting so stupid.  Men and women act like fools and I would like to be the person to tell you why some relationships don’t work, I would like to be the one to tell you that your behavior is irrational and irresponsible. I am by no means perfect. I am flawed but I am shallow enough to think that people want to hear what I have to say.  That being said, I have tons to complain about, and I have even more to yell about, so  let’s be friends.  Ya’ll might be surprised.

p.s. Follow DearBitterBetter on twitter…she is awesome!!!

www.twitter.com/dearbitterbetty

I have no tolerance for sloots and let me tell you why… there is nothing worse than falling “in like” with a guy only to find out that he is only in it for the booty.  I cannot tell you how many times I have felt so disappointed and heartbroken because homeboy was never really interested in me, my beliefs or my awesomeness, he was only interested in gettin’ in my britches.  This is a horrible feeling and I am sure that at some point in our lives, women will have experienced the wrath of a dude’s sexual priorities.  I have thought long and hard about this and what we as women can do to prevent douche bags from treating us this way.  Girls…we are the reason that men “expect” things, we are reason that dudes only involve themselves in relationships for the sole purpose of doing the deed.  In order to receive respect, one must demand it.  It is my belief that sloots will never receive that respect and I can promise you girls this…dude’s will never respect a female if she gives up the goods too quickly. If you didn’t already know, sloots are the girls that the guys will sit around and talk about. I’ve seen it happen, guys will compare their conquests much like they would old football stories.  I will never understand how women, especially younger women behave this way, but I am pretty sure I have diagnosed this problem and I want all of you girls to read and understand this, because this may be the best piece of advice I ever give.  We want attention, actually we love attention, but let’s be honest, at what price are we willing to pay for a little affection from the opposite sex?  Many women seek attention from men and they use their sexuality to get it.  Now I don’t know if these girls have daddy issues or if they just have a low self-esteem but I can almost promise you that giving up your body for a small amount affection is only a quick fix.  Relations with random dudes will not raise your self esteem and it sure as heck will not get you the appropriate attention you deserve.  Now, I know I sound like a prude and maybe so, but I am not saying sex is bad, as long as it is meaningful and done safely.  Girls run the risk of getting heartbroken, diseased and a bad reputation and neither of those is worth a man’s attention.  A man will only treat a woman as good as she allows herself to be treated, so for future reference ladies, check yourself before you wreck yourself.   Next time you are crawling in the back seat of a Honda Civic with Brad, realize that your irresponsibility and slootyness is ultimately affecting the way you will be treated by men for the rest of your life. 

Done and Done. 

p.s. Follow Bitter Betty on Twitter!!  http://twitter.com/DearBitterBetty

Guys always wonder why they have such a bad rep when it comes to cheating…by golly I think I figured it out!!!  Now, I may be generalizing a bit, but in most of my experiences with men and dealing with my friend’s heartache, I am led to be very un-trusting of the opposite sex.  I have to tell you that, ultimately it is the behavior of men in relationships that can make us girls go absolutely insane.   (I am saving the “girls are crazy” blog for another day).  You boys always wonder why us girls get so jealous and intimidated by other women..well, allow me to enlighten you…a couple of nights ago I am at a local bar when I see a friend of mine.  Now mind you, this dude is actually pretty cool, successful and for the most part a genuinely nice guy.  Towards the end of the night, he grabs my face and kisses me.  When I say “kiss” I don’t mean a friendly peck, I mean a full on romantic “Oh my gosh did I put in a breath mint” kind of kiss.  If homeboy didn’t have a gorgeous girlfriend, this situation would have been awesome.  Blog buddies, ya’ll should know that I didn’t immediately push him away even though I knew he was dating someone, and I feel absolutely awful for it.  I could totally be one of those girls who would hold out and pretend that he really liked me and that maybe someday soon he will break up with his significant other for me.  But I won’t.   I mean, am I cooler than her? Darn straight, but I refuse to put myself in that position.  Boys I am not saying that girls are innocent, in fact girls are just as dishonest.  I realize that there will always and forever be temptation outside of relationships, but I feel that if ya’ll (guys and girls) aren’t strong enough to resist these temptations then you shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway.  Personally I think there should be more single people in the world. That way we can make-out with whoever we want and not feel guilty for it later. 

Team Solo 2009!!!!

See what I mean?!?!

Hey Ya’ll, Bitter Betty officially has twitter.  I think ya’ll should follow me and I’ll tell  you why:

1. I need twitter friends to make me feel special

2. If you follow me, you can receive updates and you’ll always know when a new blog has been posted.

3. Twitter is cool and all the cool people have twitter.  Bitter Betty wants to be cool too!!!

Click http://twitter.com/DearBitterBetty  to follow me!!!!!

Spanks Ya’ll!!!

Nancy (15) asks:

Ok well there’s this guy i like i dated him for about two years & we broke up but i still have feelings for him. were really close now still but it’s not the same as before. i’ve known him for a while now is there anyway i could make him see it was a loss for him?…

Bitter Betty Says:

Alright Princess..I’ve said this before and I have a feeling I am going to have to say it again and again and again.  Move along.  I get it, you like a boy who doesn’t like you back.  Now you want to make him realize how awesome you are so he comes crawling back and you two will live happily ever after.  I hate to burst your bubble, but if he thought you were that awesome, you would be together right now, instead of writing me for advice.  Every girl likes to make her ex believe that he has lost something great and I am sure that this poor boy doesn’t realize what he has lost. but come on girl…what are you waiting for? You are basically asking me what you can do to make your ex want you back.  Read that last sentence again and really think about how awful that sounds..relationships are NOT THIS COMPLICATED.  I can’t tell you how many times I say this a day.  You should NEVER work that hard…if you aren’t together, there is a reason.  If he does not want to be with you, dressing cute and flirting with his friends isn’t gonna win him over.  Girls, we are way too good to stoop this low.  Get over him, if it is meant to be…it will be, but don’t over analyze and stress over ways to get him back in a relationship.  It is exhausting and totally not worth it.  So put on those high heels and a smile…one day there is going to be a boy that already knows how awesome you are, and you’ll realize that what you are doing now is stupid. 

Hope that helps!!!

Sincerly,

Bitter Betty

I have decided that in order for you guys to really get to know me and take my advice seriously, I should let ya’ll have a sneak peak into my life and the obstacles I face as a young woman in the dating world today.  Together we can navigate through the drama and bliss that ultimately goes with relationships.  As always feel free to ask questions or leave comments…sometimes even Bitter Betty could use some advice!!!

So there’s this boy…I’ll shall call him Mr. Funny Pants.  So anyway, Mr. Funny Pants is awesome, he is funny (obvi), very cute and for the most part a good guy.  I have had the pleasure of knowing this kid for a couple of years and while we have had a few make-out sessions, nothing serious has ever came of it.  We see each other occasionally (always at a bar) and we text quite often.  So last week, he shows up at the restaurant where I work, after saying hello, I go to the ladies room to touch up my make-up, smooth my hair and make sure that my clothes fit exactly where they need to fit and proceed to prance around the restaurant like he is watching my every move.  I swear I felt like a model strutting around and I almost positive the other customers thought I was a crazy person.  Anyway, we sat, we talked and flirted and then he went on his merry way.  This got me thinking, do I really like him or do I just want him to like me?  Ultimately I decided that I don’t think this would be a person that I would want to date…so this means that I just want the satisfaction of knowing that Mr. Funny Pants likes me!!!  This sounds so arrogant and self serving, but it is so the truth.  I think back to all the times that I got all gussied up  for a boy that kinda liked (but not really) just because I either A) wanted attention or B) wanted the control.  I can tell you guys that I am pretty sure the reason us girls do this is because we want the power; the power to say “No, I do not want to go out with you”.  Is this our way of defending ourselves from the dreaded rejection?  Probably.  Is this healthy?  Probably not.  Do I sound absolutely crazy?  Sure, but think about this blog buddies…go back and re-evaluate your past, think about the people you thought you liked, but once they were interested you peaced out.  Did you drop Mr. Funny Pants like a bad habit because he wasn’t all he was cracked up to be, or did you break up with him because you realized you didn’t want to date him in the first place?